The nights that make us; Honest reflections on Motherhood and sleep
Mother's Day shows the highlights. Motherhood is built at 2am.
The feeds. The soothing. The lying awake wondering if you're doing it right. Nobody posts that part. But every mother knows it. We asked three sleep experts to share what the nights have taught them - from their own experience, and from sitting with hundreds of families through the hard bits.
A moment that changed how I see every mum I work with
Victoria Clarke, The Mama Sleep Consultant (@themamasleepconsultant)
I was on a call with a mum recently. Before she even said hello properly, she was apologising. For the mess behind her. For crying. For not sorting her baby's sleep sooner. And I remember thinking - she has no idea. No idea that what she's feeling isn't weakness. It's what happens when your brain and body are pushed to the limit for months on end.
Sleep deprivation doesn't just make you tired - it changes how you think, how you feel, and how you see yourself. It can affect your mental health without you even realising it's happening. I know because I've lived it. The exhaustion, the anxiety, the shame of struggling when you feel like you should be grateful. That road to motherhood was long and emotional for me - and nothing quite prepared me for how deeply the sleepless nights would affect me.
That call reminded me why I do this. Because I genuinely understand what these mums are going through and too many are suffering in silence. Sleep deprivation is not something you just have to push through because "everyone goes through it, just ride it out." Things can get better. It doesn't have to feel like this forever. Helping mums see that is why this work means so much to me.
Sleep deprivation doesn't just make you tired. It changes how you think, how you feel, and how you see yourself. If you're struggling more than you expected, that is not weakness - it is your body and mind responding to something genuinely hard.
What I wish every mum knew about "good" sleep
Harriet Allen, Little Sleep Solutions (@little_sleep_solutions)
Many mums feel that "good" sleep means a baby who sleeps long stretches, in their own space, without needing much from you. It can feel like that is the goal we should all be working towards. But what I wish every mum knew is that good sleep is not about perfection. It is about feeling supported, informed, and trusting what you see in your own little one.
Babies wake. Toddlers wake. Their sleep changes again and again as they grow. It does not mean you have done anything wrong, and it certainly does not mean your child is a "bad sleeper". It simply means they are human.
So much sleep advice focuses on fixing or pushing independence very early. Yet many little ones sleep best when they feel close, safe, and connected. Needing you in the night is not a flaw in their sleep. It is part of their development.
Good sleep, from my perspective, is when a family understands their child's rhythms. When nights feel calmer, even if there are still wake-ups. When a mum no longer feels like she is failing because her baby needs comfort. Sleep is something we gently guide, not something we force. With the right support, it does get easier.
Needing you in the night is not a flaw in your baby's sleep. It is part of their development. Good sleep isn't a destination you reach - it's a rhythm you find together.
One thing night wakings taught me
Niamh Crotty, Cocoon by Nini (@cocoonbynini)
It takes a village to raise a baby - from feeds to development to sleep. Some say you can't have it all, but after working with hundreds of wonderful families, I truly believe you can. Loving, caring for and nurturing your little one every day takes time, effort and patience. It's about showing up - every single day.
Creating a safe place for your baby to sleep is one of the most important things you will do as a parent. Social media can be an amazing resource for new parents, but it can also feel overwhelming. It can be helpful to hear other parents talk about the realities of sleep, feeding, functioning and even keeping on top of the laundry - but there can also be a negative side. For parents who may already feel anxious or overwhelmed, not everything you see, read or watch online will be helpful, or even safe advice. Using your judgement around social media is more important now than ever.
When it comes to safe sleep, the guidance is straightforward: swaddle your baby if they are not yet rolling, or use a sleep sack once they start rolling. Always use a firm mattress, keep the cot clear of loose items - no blankets, teddies or comforters, just baby and their dummy if they use one - and always place baby on their back to sleep.
The safest sleep environment for your baby is simple: a firm mattress, baby on their back, and nothing loose in the cot. Swaddle if they are not yet rolling, and move to a sleep sack once they are. For more on safe sleep guidance, the Lullaby Trust is the most reliable UK resource.
The nights nobody sees
The nights are long. That part is true. But they are also where most of the real work happens - the quiet, unglamorous, irreplaceable work that nobody sees.
You are not doing it wrong. You are just doing it in the dark.
"Good sleep is not about perfection. It is about feeling supported, informed, and trusting what you see in your own little one." - Harriet Allen, Little Sleep Solutions
Is it normal for my baby to still wake at night? ▼
Yes. Babies wake at night - it is a normal and expected part of their development. Sleep changes frequently in the first years of life, and frequent waking does not mean something is wrong or that you are doing anything wrong. If night waking is significantly affecting your family's wellbeing, a qualified sleep consultant can help you find an approach that works for you.
How do I know if my baby is a bad sleeper? ▼
The phrase "bad sleeper" can be misleading. Babies have different sleep needs and patterns, and what looks like poor sleep is often developmentally normal. A baby who wakes frequently is not broken and neither are you. If you are struggling, support is available - but the starting point is usually understanding your baby's rhythms rather than trying to fix them.
Can sleep deprivation affect my mental health? ▼
Yes, significantly. Sleep deprivation can affect how you think, how you feel, and how you see yourself - sometimes before you realise it is happening. If you are feeling low, anxious, or unlike yourself, speak to your GP or health visitor. Postnatal mental health support is available, and asking for help is not a sign of failure.
What are the safe sleep guidelines for babies in the UK? ▼
The Lullaby Trust publishes the most comprehensive and up-to-date safe sleep guidance for UK families. The key principles are: always place baby on their back to sleep, use a firm flat mattress, keep the sleep space clear of loose items, and use a swaddle or sleep sack appropriate to your baby's stage. Your health visitor can also advise.
